“The Way I Used To Be” is a profound and gut-wrenching novel by Amber Smith, exploring the painful aftermath of sexual assault on a young girl named Eden.

From the very title, readers can discern a sense of longing and loss, a reflection on something that once was but is no longer.

This powerful debut novel leaves an indelible mark, sparking a much-needed conversation about a subject that’s often shrouded in silence and misunderstanding.

The story unfolds in an accessible and engaging manner, giving voice to feelings and experiences that may be difficult to articulate.

Through the main character, Eden, readers are offered a window into the tormenting journey from victimhood to survival, a path filled with complexity and ambiguity.

The significance of the book’s title, “The Way I Used To Be,” serves as a poignant reminder of how one incident can completely alter the course of a life, echoing through the years as an unrelenting memory.

Summary of the Plot (Spoiler-Free)

The narrative follows Eden, a typical high school freshman who becomes a victim of rape by her brother’s best friend.

What makes the story unique is not just the event itself but the careful examination of its aftermath, showing how it affects every aspect of Eden’s life, from her relationships to her self-perception.

The book is divided into four sections, each representing a year in high school.

It’s a chronological journey through Eden’s freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior years, displaying how she deals with the trauma as she grows and changes.

Freshman Year: Starting with Eden as a bright and optimistic freshman, readers witness her life before the incident.

The introduction of her family, friends, and interests paints a vivid picture of her innocence.

The assault occurs early in the narrative, and its immediate aftermath is depicted with raw honesty.

Eden’s decision not to tell anyone, even her closest family, propels the story forward, setting the stage for her internal struggle.

Sophomore Year to Senior Year: As Eden advances through high school, readers see the profound effects of the trauma on her personality, her relationships, and her view of the world.

She becomes distant, rebellious, and confused, reflecting her inner turmoil.

The author, Amber Smith, masterfully unravels Eden’s complex emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, showing her metamorphosis as she grapples with what happened to her.

Eden’s evolution is both compelling and heartbreaking, providing an unfiltered look at the long-term effects of sexual assault on a young person.

The narrative’s structure, by dividing it into these four critical years, emphasizes the prolonged and multifaceted impact of trauma, moving beyond the immediate aftermath to explore how it shapes a person’s entire being.

It’s a coming-of-age story that’s both universal in its themes and intensely personal in its focus, making “The Way I Used To Be” an essential addition to contemporary Young Adult literature.

Character Analysis

At the heart of “The Way I Used To Be” are its multi-dimensional characters who, each in their unique way, contribute to the narrative’s depth and impact.

Eden: Eden, our protagonist, starts as an optimistic and innocent freshman, but the traumatic event she experiences in the beginning irrevocably changes her.

Smith’s portrayal of Eden is both intimate and haunting, as readers are invited to witness her internal conflict between her past and present self.

As she grapples with the pain and shame, her coping mechanisms manifest as anger, rebellion, and isolation.

Her transformation from a trusting and cheerful teenager to a withdrawn and wary individual mirrors the internal emotional and psychological turmoil she faces.

The complexity of her character emphasizes the profound impact trauma can have on one’s sense of self and worldview.

Secondary Characters:

The ensemble of secondary characters in the book is not merely a backdrop; they provide valuable insights into Eden’s life.

The stark contrast between her relationships before and after the incident highlights her internal struggles and the depth of her trauma.

From her family, especially her brother Josh, to her friends and romantic interests, each relationship is strained and tested, making readers ponder about the silent reverberations of trauma on one’s interpersonal relationships.

Themes and Motifs

“The Way I Used To Be” is rich in themes that are not only relevant to contemporary readers but also universal in their scope.

Trauma and Recovery: The most prominent theme in the book is the aftermath of sexual assault and how trauma can linger and shape a person’s life.

Through Eden, Smith explores the multifaceted nature of trauma, from immediate shock and denial to the long-term effects on mental health, self-worth, and interpersonal relationships.

The path to recovery is neither linear nor uniform; Eden’s journey is a testament to the complexities of healing.

Friendship and Isolation: Eden’s relationships with her friends offer a poignant examination of how trauma can create barriers.

As she grapples with her pain, she distances herself from those who care about her, leading to a profound sense of isolation.

Yet, these very relationships also hold the potential for healing, emphasizing the dual nature of interpersonal bonds in the aftermath of trauma.

Identity and Transformation: Eden’s journey is also one of self-discovery.

As she confronts her past and tries to reconcile with her changed self, the theme of identity is at the forefront.

The book raises questions about how formative events, both traumatic and otherwise, contribute to our understanding of who we are.

Resilience and Strength: Despite the odds, Eden’s resilience shines through.

Her strength, even in her most vulnerable moments, serves as a powerful reminder of the human spirit’s ability to endure, adapt, and eventually find a way forward.

Writing Style and Structure

Amber Smith employs a poignant and evocative writing style in “The Way I Used To Be”, capturing the raw emotion and turbulence of Eden’s journey.

Her prose is both lyrical and straightforward, a balance that makes the narrative accessible while allowing for depth and introspection.

Narrative Technique: Smith’s decision to tell the story in the first person provides readers with an intimate view of Eden’s inner world.

This choice proves pivotal in forging a deep connection between the reader and the protagonist, as we’re privy to her every thought, fear, and hope.

Pacing: The pacing of the novel is carefully modulated to mirror Eden’s tumultuous journey.

Moments of high tension and drama are juxtaposed with quieter, introspective passages, providing a realistic portrayal of the ebb and flow of coping with trauma.

The Division into Four Parts: Dividing the book into four sections; Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years, is an ingenious structural choice.

It showcases the temporal progression of trauma and its impact.

Eden’s growth, both in age and in emotional maturity, is highlighted by this division, as each year brings its own set of challenges and revelations.

Personal Reflections and Impressions

Reading “The Way I Used To Be” was a profoundly emotional experience.

Smith doesn’t shy away from confronting the harrowing reality many survivors face, and through Eden, she offers a voice to those often silenced by society.

Emotional Impact: The book’s rawness and authenticity frequently evoked strong emotions.

It’s a testament to Smith’s skill that she manages to portray such heavy themes without veering into the realm of sensationalism.

The narrative is both a gut punch and a gentle embrace, reminding us of the fragility and strength inherent in the human spirit.

Standout Moments: Eden’s interactions with her family, particularly with her brother, were particularly resonant.

The subtlety with which familial dynamics shifted in the aftermath of the assault provides a keen insight into how trauma affects not just the individual but the entire family unit.

Comparative Reflection: The narrative, while unique in its voice, shares thematic similarities with other impactful works in the genre, such as “Speak” by Laurie Halse Anderson.

However, “The Way I Used To Be” stands out in its comprehensive exploration of the long-term effects of trauma across pivotal years of adolescence.

Reading this book, one is left with a mix of sorrow, admiration, and hope.

It’s a potent reminder of the resilience of the human spirit and the capacity for renewal amidst the darkest of circumstances.

Critique and Constructive Feedback

Amber Smith’s “The Way I Used To Be” is undoubtedly a standout piece in young adult literature, emphasizing the pervasive influence of trauma.

However, like all works of art, it can be seen through both appreciative and critical lenses.

Strengths:

Authenticity: One of the novel’s most pronounced strengths is its genuine portrayal of trauma.

Smith avoids romanticizing Eden’s pain, offering instead a realistic depiction of a young girl grappling with her horrifying experience.

Character Development: Eden’s evolution, from an innocent freshman to a senior grappling with her identity, is beautifully layered.

This progression provides readers with a multifaceted look at how trauma can mold a person over time.

Dialogue: The interactions between characters feel natural and true to life, especially given the high school setting, and contribute significantly to the narrative’s believability.

Areas of Improvement:

Secondary Characters: While Eden’s journey is thoroughly fleshed out, some secondary characters could have benefited from more depth.

These characters occasionally risked becoming mere backdrops to Eden’s story rather than integral parts of her world.

Pacing: Though the novel’s pacing mirrors Eden’s ups and downs, there were moments that felt slightly drawn out, potentially slowing the momentum of her narrative journey.

Closing Thoughts

“The Way I Used To Be” is a stirring exploration of trauma, identity, and the relentless quest for healing.

Through Eden, Amber Smith paints a poignant picture of the often silent battle survivors face, making it a must-read for both young adults and adults alike.

The book’s ability to navigate such a delicate topic with grace, empathy, and realism is commendable.

Its significance in contemporary literature is undeniable.

It not only addresses the issue of sexual assault head-on but also delves into the nuanced complexities that survivors face in the aftermath.

Furthermore, it encourages readers to be more empathetic, understanding, and supportive, underscoring the importance of creating safe spaces for dialogue and healing.

For anyone seeking a profound, thought-provoking narrative that tackles real-world issues, “The Way I Used To Be” is an excellent recommendation.

Its blend of compelling storytelling and deep emotional resonance ensures its place as a memorable read in the annals of young adult literature.

Our Rating for “The Way I Used To Be”

Story and Plot Development: 4.5/5

The story’s arc, chronicling Eden’s journey across her high school years, was both innovative and compelling.

Smith’s narrative choices, especially her meticulous unraveling of Eden’s trauma, were near flawless.

There were moments, however, when the pacing felt slightly askew, warranting a minor deduction.

Character Development: 4.7/5

Eden, as the protagonist, was exquisitely fleshed out, showcasing a depth that readers could deeply resonate with.

The transformation she undergoes, both externally and internally, forms the heart of the narrative.

Some secondary characters, though integral to the plot, lacked the same depth, leaving certain relational dynamics less explored than they could have been.

Writing Style: 4.8/5

Smith’s prose is both lyrical and raw, creating a balance that draws readers into Eden’s world.

The first-person narrative offers an intimacy that’s palpable.

Every emotion Eden feels is transmitted effectively, showcasing Smith’s prowess in character voice and expression.

Themes and Relevance: 5/5

Arguably the novel’s strongest suit, its thematic depth is exceptional.

Addressing sensitive issues like sexual assault, trauma, and recovery with such nuance is commendable.

Its relevance, especially in today’s socio-cultural landscape, is undeniable, making it a vital read for audiences of various ages.

Emotional Impact: 4.9/5

The novel succeeds in evoking a spectrum of emotions.

From anguish and anger to hope and resilience, readers are taken on a roller-coaster of sentiments.

It’s rare for a book to capture the heart so deeply, and Smith achieves this with finesse.

Overall Rating: 4.8/5

Summarizing, “The Way I Used To Be” is a masterful work, beautifully tackling a sensitive topic with grace and authenticity.

While there are minor areas of improvement, they don’t detract from the novel’s overall impact.

It’s a poignant, insightful read that leaves a lasting impression, asserting Amber Smith’s position as a significant voice in young adult literature.